Thesis: A spiritual man resembles the best of fallen manhood in some ways, but operates from a wholly different purpose.
Almost every stream and river in Oklahoma runs with heavy silt in shades of mostly red or brown. However, in the southwestern part of our state, the streams and rivers run clear. In that southwest corner of our state, the primary geological feature is granite. Water running across granite carries away precious little. The granite has character, a solid presence which is unaltered by anything but vast quantities of time. In very many ways, character and convictions are inextricably linked. To have one is to have the other.
character: (n.) in typesetting, recognizable, different from other characters; the quality of having a unique presentation to the world; being different enough to distinguish from others of the same type
holiness: (n.) the quality of being holy; separate; set aside for God's use in divine service; not to be used for mundane or profane purposes
The overlap between these two terms is obvious.
God calls our dead spirits into life, granting us an existence and identity in the Spirit Realm. To be spiritually alive is to have a calling to claw our way from this fallen plane of existence into the spiritual. He grants the power and desire, but leaves certain things in our hands. Within this regime we each bear the duty of finding our unique path, our individual calling in the service of our Lord.
To serve requires a frame of reference, an underlying theme the mind can grasp in organizing the implementation of holiness. That requires we each build our own individual theology. Theology is a human attempt to define the ineffable. Biblical Theology is understanding the narrative as narrative; Systematic Theology is on a lower plane. We each construct our own system which will surely overlap others, but no system of theology can possibly constrain the spiritual life of more than one person in any signficant detail. The word "define" means to set limits, but God knows no limits; we do. Thus, theology is not really the study of God, but the study of what we can say about God. The foundation of a living theology is not objective truth, but your response to God's ineffable touch. Academic attempts to establish and enunciate an objective body of truth are mostly academic, and do not lend themselves well to reality. Reality is building from yourself, your personal experience with the Savior.
Here we endeavor to provide an example of building a personal theology. Of necessity it arises from my personal experience. I am not my favorite topic. I am not the center of the universe. God is my topic, and I am a prophet called of God. This is hardly the thing of which I dreamed; I never aspired to it. What I wanted in my youth was to be the bigshot pastor of a big church. I could do it, but not without compromising my character. I've had to rebuild my theology radically on the way to this place. My understanding of my calling was essentially correct, but my contextual understanding was wrong. I was not called to pastor, but to manage, to be an elder. That's what most pastors do these days, and precious few actually carry out the shepherding of souls very well. As an elder I teach a great deal, but I don't do much shepherding. On the other hand, I am called to prophesy.
The mission of a prophet is to reveal something of God's character through his own, to bring some particular emphasis chosen by God to meet a need of the context. This prophet's emphasis is on the meaning of God's Laws. Our modern Western society is utterly foreign to God's Laws, and they to it. The West will never be reformed; it will only be destroyed, and as a prophet I warn you that will come soon. I am a radical; radical means striving to find the root of things. Let's get back to the roots and build a fresh society, and a fresh religion. Let's build a living, breathing theology by first casting aside the blindness of Western Civilization. We need to observe how things actually work in the real world, and decide how we will respond based on God's revelation.
It can be any academic topic you choose. For this exercise I'll pick something we can run through the filters of God's Laws and create a theology of something. Sometimes the shortest path to character and holiness is understanding what it is we are not. I'll pick as an example the issue of manhood. This cannot be addressed without raising the issue of womanhood. It is critical we understand the entire social structure of sexual interaction and response at the fallen level. One of the best models is the Game Theory of Socio-Sexual Relations. There are numerous schools of thought, but they all hold in common thoughts about what makes a man a man, and you'll frequently see references to the Alpha Male, as distinguished from lesser men, or men who play other roles in the socio-sexual structure of this world, and particularly in the West. An exceptionally good source is The 16 Commandments of Poon. Roissy's motives in writing his list are quite different from mine, but the basic facts of human nature are the same. I have no interest in being an Alpha Male, nor the rewards of it. I'm not trying to cultivate the desire of women nor the admiration of men. I don't compete for a place in this world. I'm trying to make my God the center of attention. I want to see men strong enough to serve God. Therefore, I build my own list of traits, which I'll call the Principles of Spiritual Manhood.
Our spiritual assumption about romance is the part it plays in the life of someone with a mission from God. Some of these items are a reaction to Roissy's list, and some affirm parts of it. Ordinary women and their charms aren't worth the time or trouble. For a man with a divine mission, finding one who is worth it requires not catering to the herd.
1. You've got better things to do than chase women. Make them chase you. Any woman worth having will regard you as her mission. She'll be ready and willing to sacrifice everything else women typically want in this world to be with you. Otherwise, you can live without her.
2. Be faithful, but not fawning or possessive. A woman who needs to feel jealous in order to stay interested is not worth having. Let her see you enjoy the attention of other women, but feel secure that it means nothing in the long run, that you are too cynical about anyone trying to suck up to you. Flirtation is a nothing more than a social lubricant, a tool for interacting, and you don't fear her flirtation, either. If she can't be faithful, she needs to be gone.
3. Let her have her way when it doesn't impact the mission. A woman will always be a woman, and you will always be a man. You can afford to be very generous because all those small things that tickle her allow her to exercise her own character and nest-building instincts. You remain reponsible for discerning the spiritual meaning of every choice, of every decision, and she is not wired for that.
4. You don't have all the answers, nor need to have them. When the time comes, you'll know what you have to do. As the nest builder, she seeks security in all things. Don't let her press you to commit to some path you aren't sure will enhance your mission. Stay away from making promises which aren't derived from your faith. Let things ride, not because you're too lazy to think it through, but because there's not enough data. Be honest; hide nothing which affects her, including variables of which you are aware. If she needs silly head games, she isn't worth the trouble.
5. You may be awesome, but you are not perfect. When you make a mistake, own it and clean up the mess. Don't fall all over yourself trying to make it all better, nor be grouchy and grudging about it. Never let your mistakes take on any emotional significance. Laugh at yourself, then leave it behind you.
6. Connect with her emotions. Roissy gets this one right (his number IX):
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman's emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You're not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You're grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
7. Physical beauty is a liar. Never evaluate any woman based on her looks and your hormonal response. That part of you should have no vote, no voice in any decision. You can't afford the moral costs of handling this Roissy's way -- ravishing so many beauties they lose their power over you -- so just teach yourself to trash the entire concept. There is no dating, only courtship, and no woman is worthy of consideration on any basis except her commitment to Christ first, and her commitment to your mission as an expression of that.
8. Faith is the victory. You have a mission from God; if that does not provide enough confidence, you aren't a man yet. Faith is not rational. Otherwise, it would not be faith. You win every time because you are committed, not because you were successful. Your own feeble abilities were never the question in the first place. It's all about God's power. Whether it be to make things work or to make you bear up under failure, it's still more power than you deserve to taste.
9. Don't get distracted. Lots of things will tug at your human desires, tastes, interests, etc. Indulge them when they are not a violation of your convictions and your mission. God lets us play with toys, but don't ever forget what your calling is. The same goes for when she is having some insecurities. Address the insecurity, not the way in which she communicates it.
10. Celebrate like it's time for Jesus to come back. Our spirits can't wait to leave this flesh and be with Him. Not only do we have no promise of a tomorrow, we hope there is none. Making love is a form of celebration, celebrating the vast riches of God who granted such a full measure of fellowship and oneness on this earth. But this is simply an extension of the basic principle that joy knows no bounds, and there very well may be no tomorrow, so when your spirit tells your mind it's time to make merry, do so with appropriate abandon. Resources are provided by God to be used, so if celebrating is right, then do it right.
In our comparison with the fallen world in which we live, it is the contrast which is the point. A fundamental assumption in Christian Mysticism is we do not belong to this world and its nature. We are stuck in it, and seek every means to escape. Short of extinguishing our human existence, we pull away with every fiber of our being, distinguishing ourselves from the rest of humanity. This is the essence of having a witness, of participating in the revelation of God, because we show Him in our departure from the nature of this prison of the Fall.
So when it comes to romantic relationships, as with everything else, we are torn between the extremes. As we seek to draw closer to the Holy, and pull away from the profane, there is a tension which cannot be resolved so long as we have flesh. We compromise, not in the sense of surrender, but in accepting the limits of reality -- reality as it is defined on this lower plane of existence. Review for a moment in your mind the Three Pillars: We live for the Truth; our truth is sacrificial caring for other humans; and we don't trust human nature. We live in a holy cynicism which we apply even to ourselves. It is a living tension we accept as our reality, and we each individually build our own answer to the drawing of the Holy Spirit.
In my list against Roissy's, I am reacting to this world in clinging to the Spirit Realm. I recognize the nature of how things work in this world, particularly in regards to human sexuality. I recognize how the behavior pattern of an Alpha Male affects other people. As one who relies on my thespian talents a great deal in my daily witness, it's simply a tool. Not so that I may manipulate, but in striving to gain a stronger testimony, I speak the language of those in my world. I have no intention of taking unfair advantage, no intention to deceive, but to clarify and reveal as much of the ultimate truth as any one in this world can. I want other people to know what they are getting, flaws and all, when they examine the package which is my presence in this world.
Yes, most assuredly it places a high demand on us to understand, yet deny the power of the way this world works. Spiritual men seeking support in the mission and calling, which support God grants through a spouse, will not accept what the Alpha Male seeks in women. Those kind of women dominate the landscape, and you have to know how they operate. We must understand how, even on this fallen plane, they deceive themselves in our wicked Western culture, and how they actually do respond to men. The Alpha Male model treats women as objects of self-fulfillment; the spiritual model makes them full equal partners in redemption. Women themselves are highly variable, drawn to a particular man in the given moment by some mixture of good and evil, and we are too often no better. In seeking spiritual manhood, we recognize many will be drawn for all the wrong reasons, and we cannot be distracted, even as we cannot surrender the character traits which make us interesting. Spiritual manhood does grab some of the Alpha Male character, because Alpha manhood is a portion of ultimate truth. Were it not so, the Game Theory model would not work at all. Where it overlaps revelation, we embrace it.
Where there is conflict, we pull away. There are precious few women in this world who meet the divine standard. They do exist; I'm married to one. It is not a matter of perfection as we think of it on the human plane, and certainly not in terms of Western intellectual culture, based on Aristotelian epistemology (AKA objective absolutism). It is a dynamic measure of spiritual fitness which prevents me having any genuine interest in looking for something more appealing. My spirit affirms I won't find anyone more suitable on any terms. I can't turn off my wiring and conditioning, any more than I turn things back on when they quit working (thanks to our modern world of arrogance in technology, which has created an environmental soup of pharmacological poisons which disrupt the normal biological processes). Nor can I prevent the natural signals which my flesh, of its own accord, sends to these lesser women. But I don't allow that part of me to vote when it comes to making decisions. At whatever cost to my socio-sexual status, I fight Adam and keep my hammer and nails close at hand to put him back up on the Cross whenever he gets too vivid.
By contrasting with the aims and habits of Alpha as Alpha itself, we delegitimize Game even as we take advantage of it as a resource for understanding. We live in a fallen world, and are not permitted to ascertain from God who among those we encounter is spiritually alive. We don't even know where they are in the moment, only what we are obliged to choose a response. Those who insist on operating in our presence below the Spirit Realm will be handled according to the Laws of God rather strictly, which means we use the skills of Game to accomplish the mission. For those who rise in the moment to the spiritual level, we operate along different lines.
We cannot afford to engage seriously any woman who isn't seeking to escape Game and the spinning hamster wheel of rationalization. The term "hamster wheel" in this context was coined by Vox Day: "many men of sufficient knowledge of Game would be able to predict [a woman's] future actions better than she can because they have no rationalization hamster nor hormonal cycle clouding their perceptions." The warning here includes our seeking to discern whether a woman has the potential to rise above Game far enough, often enough, to honestly be a potential helpmate in our mission and calling from God. We know an honest pursuit of holiness will draw a narrower audience of women, but not of itself narrow enough to be safe. Satan is much smarter than that. So while we seek to engage everyone, male and female, in our witness by our personality and character, we remain ever aware of the inescapable pitfalls of temptation.
We use the Laws, but are not bound by them. Our whole existence is a call to repentance, knowing precious few will respond at any given moment. We place it entirely in the hands of Our Lord which women respond and when. Nor are we permitted to discern whether evidence of repentance indicates a living spirit being born or simply a smitten conscience of fallen souls under the Laws. What we can learn to discern is how God wants us to respond in the moment. Be exceedingly selective with women, because if you end up bound in a marriage with one who somehow remains under the Laws and requires a heavy use of Game, your mission will be hindered, perhaps even crippled. Worse, you may end up having to treat her as spiritually dead and be forced to separate, with all the horrors our society and civil courts can inflict. If you can train your mind to obey your spiritual leading, reflecting often on your convictions and keeping your will focused on the Spirit Realm, you will not so easily be deceived by false attention from false women.
Roissy and other writers in this field provide a very great service in clarifying God's Laws. Let's be grateful for his gift as from God, making use of the things of this world as just another tool in our mission. We also set aside any tool when it isn't appropriate for the job at hand, and discard it when it is worn out and no longer serves any purpose in our lives.
(I am praying some spiritual woman with a talent for writing can supplement my guidance for men with something equivalent for women. I don't believe I possess sufficient expertise to comment at length for the other side.)
By Ed Hurst
17 April 2011
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